Hi! I'm Abner Zombie, the stand-up comedy zombie (and part-time gravedigger). Welcome to my little graveyard on the Internet.
Back when I was alive, I was a stand-up comic but then I died on stage. (Get it? I died on stage...) Some say I choked on a punchline (Gasp!). Actually, comedy is about timing and I was diagnosed with an arrhythmia. (get it? Timing? Arrhythmia?)
I know that zombies are supposed to be scary but the only time I can make people run away screaming is when I tell 'em I'm a process server!
During the 2006 Halloween season, I was ''knocking 'em dead'' in the grave yard at the Gates of Terror, a central-Ohio Halloween haunt that has disappeared, in recent years. I was working the ''graveyard shift'' (Get it?) Sometimes, the moon was full so I had a stage light. Once, when the moon wasn't out, I tried to show my own moon but everyone ran away! After Halloween, I appeared at a horror convention called Dark X-mas in northeast Ohio. I got lots of yucks which just encouraged me to continue. Now I do my schtick at horror conventions, Halloween events, and at horror movie premiers. Check my schedule below and, if I am appearing near you, come on out for a few laughs. And if I'm not, you can "Demand it!" above and, if enough of your friends join you, I will find a way. (Scary, eh?) And if you want to hear something really scary, just pull my finger!
That reminds me... Know why zombie farts smell so bad? Because something actually may have crawed up inside and died! (get it? Crawled up inside and died.)