Hi! I'm Abner Zombie, the stand-up comedy zombie (and part-time gravedigger). Welcome to my little graveyard on the Internet.

Back when I was alive, I was a stand-up comic but then I died on stage. (Get it? I died on stage...) Some say I choked on a punchline (Gasp!). Actually, comedy is about timing and I was diagnosed with an arrhythmia. (get it? Timing? Arrhythmia?)

I know that zombies are supposed to be scary but the only time I can make people run away screaming is when I tell 'em I'm a process server!

During the 2006 Halloween season, I was ''knocking 'em dead'' in the grave yard at the Gates of Terror, a central-Ohio Halloween haunt. I was working the ''graveyard shift'' (Get it?) Sometimes, the moon was out and I had a stage light. Once, when the moon wasn't out, I tried to show my own moon but everyone ran away! After Halloween, I appeared at Dark X-mas, the annual horror convention that occurs in northeast Ohio. I got lots of yucks and plan to return next November. Come on out for a few laughs. And if you want to hear something really scary, just pull my finger!

That reminds me... Know why zombie farts smell so bad? Because something actually may have crawed up inside and died! (get it? Crawled up inside and died.)